I lost a friend and a friendship yesterday.
I cannot say that I am surprised. We've been drifting apart for quite some time. I'm not sure whether it was the distance, me not being there at times, or him shielding himself and pushing me away. All I know is that after 20 years, we are no longer.
I won't say that it didn't hurt, or hasn't been difficult. I honestly do not know what I'm supposed to feel in the end, though. Right now it's a mix of shock, sadness, befuddlement, and a bit of "whatever will be, will be."
I do hope he finds the peace he's looking for. I do hope we get the chance to reconnect someday.
I love you, bro.
Hey.
ReplyDeleteI hope this finds you well. And, I hope this simply finds you.
I miss you. I don't know if you feel the same or if it matters anymore. You were always the one person. I wish I could redo -- undo -- all of it. I wish making amends was simple, but at the same time it needs to be remembered for the reasons of reaching out in this manner.
I sent you a letter. I don't blame you for ignoring it. I don't blame you for deleting this one, if it finds you.
Things should've been different. I'll never have the chance to see you again... to explain, or just to talk. To let things heal, if they can.
I love you, James. Not *that* way, but you know what I mean. Two years apart can't have stalled that understanding. Two years....
I hope you'll forgive me. Things are so uncertain now.... I don't know what to do. The stability you offered and I pushed back on seems like the only thing I have that I could ever count on.
If this finds you, hug Trellis. I hope your life's going well.
Your friend always,
-- Bryan